Talking about it.

Monday I had an appointment with my optometrist. The last time I saw him, I was pregnant. A little part of me wondered if he would remember, and if he would ask. Of course, when he walked into the room, the first thing he says to me is, "how is the little one doing?" And then it's awkward because I have to say we lost the baby and he says how sorry he is. He doesn't really ask what happened but I can tell he kind of wants to know why...and I start explaining what happened, that I have IC and that I just traveled to Chicago and back in January to get the TAC done. And it was okay. He was interested in TAC and while I explained it, he genuinely listened. He asked how I was feeling and I said pretty damn good, considering I had surgery not too long ago. Then he tells me that he just had surgery, too. He donated a kidney to his wife! It was kind of nice to have a normal conversation about IC and my losses. Granted, I do not enjoy talking about it, don't get me wrong. But it was the simple fact that I could talk about it without crying or being awkward.

I still dread that question, though. When I went to the dentist a month ago, I went to make an appointment for my husband with the receptionist afterward, and she assumed he was my son. She said, "how old is your son?" I was confused and it was an unexpected question, and I said awkwardly, "oh, we lost the baby." Then she felt all sorry and awkward too... I just hate how such a simple, normal question to most people can mean something else entirely to me.

So, today officially starts my "fertile week". I started temping in the mornings...I have never done this before but I did not realize how low my resting temp was! It has been in the 97's. so strange. And I am going to use OPKs. I want a better idea of when I am ovulating so that the two week wait is a little less uncertain. But I know it will be, it always is.

I hope I am ready for this.