my body, my enemy.

So, the hubby and I are trying for another baby. I already have major anxiety just thinking about it. And that's legit. My doctor put me on Klonopin and Celexa awhile back for my symptoms. I get periods of shortness of breath, chest pains, and just overall panicky and racing thoughts. I have stopped taking those meds though, since we are trying to conceive. So now I get to just try to deal with it all on my own. Lately,  I've been having huge bouts of breathlessness and it's driving me crazy. I wish I could just breathe.

I have been very confused by my body, lately. I have started temping for the first time, but I think I have been doing it wrong. I know that sounds kind of lame, but I didn't buy my basal thermometer in time to start temping right after my period. So, I started a few days late. And I haven't been consistent with the time I take my temperature either. My car died, meaning I have to bum rides off my husband in the morning and coworkers in the afternoon, so my waking times have been all screwed up. Not to mention, the OPK pack I bought tells me to use FMU, when everything else online says not to. I also started doing that too late, as well I think. So, I am not even sure if I caught my surge. Ugh. I can't tell if the lines are dark enough. Sometimes it shows one, the next day it's gone, then a day later I'll have another line. I just don't know what my body thinks it's doing anymore. I think I am trying to ovulate,  but it's failing. My temps are up, down, up, down, and all over the place. I had one "spike" but it seemed too early in my cycle. I'm so confused. And because of this crazy schedule this past week, hubs and I haven't had much time to actually give it a go. I'm so annoyed. And cranky. I feel like surgery has thrown everything off. Maybe I should just give myself a break. This is only my second cycle after surgery. Maybe things will be clearer next month?

On a happier, non-TTC related note, since the motor in my Hyundai Elentra died, I finally am getting the car I've always wanted! I'm getting a 2013 Mini Cooper. It's coming to the states all the way from England. Wonder if the Queen will drive it in to the dealership for me? Oh, and the hubs got a promotion a work! So, that's all good stuff. Maybe 2013 will be our year?

I'm trying to keep the good vibes going but these past two weeks have just been insanity stress-wise. Work, car issues, schedules all wacky, husband working later nights...Even if I didn't ovulate this month, at least I'll have a reason why. I am starting to feel like it's me against my uterus. I need to get her on the same page as the rest of my body! I guess this two week wait won't be too agonizing because I'm not sure we accomplished anything.

We shall see..